10 Gadgets That Will Get You Fired

With the economy being the way it is, simply having a job is reason enough to count your blessings. But if you happen to be out of work right now, cheer up. There are bound to be a few people out there who are reckless enough to bring the following gadgets to work. Get your resume ready.

Pillow Tie
Let’s face it, work is a whole lot more tolerable when you can nap right through it. So whenever you’re feeling a bit sleepy, just blow into the mouthpiece on your pillow tie and put your head down on your desk like you used to do in class — only this time it’s a lot more comfortable. Of course, the manager running the meeting you’re in might not be as forgiving as your physics teacher. $19.95 — Pillow Tie via Fashionably Geek


Lunchtime Clock
What if you could add 12 minutes extra to your lunch break? Sure, it doesn’t seem like much, but that’s 12 minutes you would have spent at your desk pretending to work. This do-it-yourself lunchtime clock can be set to speed up by 20 percent at 11 a.m. and slow down 20 percent every day at 11:48 a.m. So, at 11:48, the clock will read Noon (lunchtime) and by 1 p.m., the clock will be back in sync. When all is said and done, you’ve slacked off an extra 12 minutes. Now all you need is an office with only one clock and an oblivious boss that doesn’t use a watch or a cellphone. Check out the following link for the build instructions. — Instructables via CubicleBot

Rubber Band Gatling Gun
The guy from accounting stole your last Diet Coke. What are you going to do about it? Act rationally? Haha…don’t make me laugh. Clearly, this is the time to abandon all reason and whip out your rubber band Gatling gun. It can fire up to 100 rubber bands as fast as you can turn the hand crank. Say hello to my little friend! $499 — Gadgets and Gear via CubicleBot

Micro Sonic Grenade
So you stole your co-worker’s Diet Coke from the breakroom fridge. So what — you didn’t know it was his. Besides, he “borrowed” that red Swingline stapler you really like without asking. Your actions were justified. But now you see that your opponent in this cubicle war is packing a rubber band Gatling gun. You hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but the only chance you have at victory now is to toss a sonic grenade at the enemy and run for cover. Once activated, it will unleash an ear-splitting 115 decibel siren on a 15-60 second timer that should disperse anyone with even the slightest desire to keep both their hearing and their job. You may have won the battle, but that pink slip clearly states that you’ve lost the war. $7.99 — ThinkGeek

Yumi Mousepad
Something tells me that a mousepad like this won’t fly with most companies — and I don’t think that your lame carpal tunnel excuse will fly either. I would also shy away from anything like this Finger Drum Mousepad which will have your co-workers despising you for a completely different reason. $20 — Entertainment Earth via CubicleBot

Spitball Excuse Dartpad
What if your supervisor discovered that much of what you say is an elaborate web of lies constructed by shooting spitballs at a dartpad in your office? It’s as unprofessional as it is unsanitary. However, what would happen if you could attribute a recent hot streak to a companion decision-making spitball dartboard? $10.99 — Perpetual Kid via CubicleBot

The Phantom Keystroker
The Phantom Keystroker may look like a regular USB stick, but when plugged into a computer’s USB port it will periodically make random mouse movements, toggle caps-lock and type out garbage text and phrases. Switches on the side allow you to choose between garbage typing, caps lock-toggle, annoying mouse movements or, if you are truly sadistic, all three at once. Needless to say, if you get caught using something like this and you manage to keep your job, the victim reserves the right to do something like this to you. $12.99 — ThinkGeek

USB Missile Launcher
Using mouse and keyboard controls, you can command this USB-powered piece of desktop artillery to lay down foam dart ordinance on targets up to 25 feet away. Plus the missiles are said to travel at an “extremely fast speed.” All-in-all it’s a good weapon for keeping people from stealing the supplies on your desk or bringing you work that you don’t want to do. $36 — USB Geek

Laptop Sock
Okay, the idea behind this ridiculous product is to offer you both privacy and warmth while working on your laptop. The reality is that your torso is exposed to the elements and everyone at the office thinks you have something to hide. They will also think that you are crazy. So now the company’s fortunes take a turn for the worse and it’s time to consider downsizing. Who do we let go? How about that crazy person that’s probably looking at pornography at work while wearing a gigantic sock over their head? Yeah, nobody trusts that guy. However, if you remain undeterred, the instructions for knitting one yourself are available in the following link. — Instructables

Bitosan Ke Toys
So, who else can we afford to lose besides that weirdo wearing the laptop sweater? How about that guy who plays with those little Japanese toys at his desk — the ones with the nose hairs? I asked him about those things once and he said they talk and randomly encourage or discourage you to fondle their hairs. Yeah, that guy is a ticking time bomb. But let’s ask someone else to do it because I don’t want to get kidnapped or anything. $10 — D Lifestyle (Japan) via Nerd Approved

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